Sunday, January 23, 2011

...but my dreams gave me away

After graduating from Fordham 8 months ago, getting some bad jobs, and settling on a mediocre position as a sales associate at Macy's I am ready to tackle my wandering and figure out where I should set my sights. The past 8 months felt bizarre. I managed to trick myself into thinking that I was stuck in a life put upon by this awful economy. That due to the financial woes of the world I am stuck working for a little over minimum wage at a job that has nothing to do with my two degrees. But I can do it. I am not a person who settles.

These past months I have become used to not trying too hard; allowing rejection to restrain my potential. As the lyrics to one of my favorite Bright Eyes songs states: "I tried to pass for nothing…" I tried to pretend that I was O.K. with settling. That I was O.K. with being a lesser person then I know I am destined to be. It is not to say that I was not enjoying myself. I had a better time bar hopping than a majority of my college experience. I loved it. But I think I need to stop loving it and start figuring what opportunities to pursue and where I want to go eventually.

The second half to the Bright Eyes lyric that I love states: "…but my dreams gave me away." That is how I am feeling. I am dreaming of a different existence; of careers, new cities, working hard, and most of all discovering a life worth living. So I hope this blog will be a platform for my exploration of life, art, music, and my future. I hope this blog entertains, inspires, and helps me discover. 

                Peace, Love and Rock-n-Roll,

Lyrics to Bright Eyes - If the Break Man Turns My Way

When panic grips your body
And your heart's a hummingbird
Raven thoughts blacken your mind
'Til you're breathing in reverse
All your friends and sedatives mean well
But make it worse
Every reassurance just magnifies the doubt
Better find yourself a place to level out

Got a cricket for a conscience
Always looks the other way
A cocaine soul starts seeming like
An empty cabaret
Hey, where have all the dancers gone?
Now the music doesn't play
Tried to listen to the river
But you couldn't shut your mouth
Better take a little time to level out

I never thought of running
My feet just led the way

Mixed-up signals
Bullet train
Cars are switched out in the crazy rain
I could meet you any place
If the brakeman turns my way

All this automatic writing
I have tried to understand
From a psychedelic angel
Who was tugging on my hand
It's an infinite coincidence
But it doesn't form a plan
So I'm headed for New England
Or the Paris of the South
Gonna find myself somewhere to level out

Are your brothels full, oh Babylon
With merry middlemen?
Never peer out of their periscopes
From those deep opium dens
All this death must need a counterweight
Always someone born again
First a mother bathes her child
Then the other way around
The scales always find a way to level out

I tried to pass for nothing
But my dreams gave me away

Mixed-up signals
Bullet train
People snuffed out in the brutal rain
I could live to any age
If the brakeman turns my way

It is an old world, it's hard to remember
Like a dime store mystery
I'm a repeat first-time offender
Who has rewritten history

Mixed-up tea leaves
Phantom pain
Fuzzy logic in the crazy rain
Getting better every day
If the brakeman turns my way

Mixed-up signals
Bullet train
Cars are switched out in the blinding rain
He'll be smiling as he seals my fate
When the brakeman turns my way